Liar Liar, House on Fire

Pro rogue was a true enough description of Johnson's rise,

throbbing whopper after throbbing whopper,

as embers from his blazing saddle set curtains alight

and he brazenly wafts an empty extinguisher.

Liar, liar! Call the opposition benches.

Too much, says Mr Speaker, take it back.

One cannot, in this parliament, declare facts,

that would be quite untoward, and without precedent.

Gwyneth Paltrow's Vagina

 Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina beguiles,

bamboozles, torments and terrifies

me in equal measure, much like the notion

of Boris preparing to mount 

one of his victims, or the British electorate. 

I'm a man of science and statistics, 

in a constant flux with deniers and sadistics. 

Graphs are as graphic as candles are explosive

in the wrong hands.

Between fanny fumes and parliamentary lies

I've been knocked right off my axis... 

... somewhere in row Z I'm floating around 

with barely a chance of hanging on to something, 

barely even a collision. 

I've essentially evaporated

and it's all your bloody fault, VagBo. 

There you go. 

A mental image for these spurious times.